mind – SANDERLINGS

Is it time to change your mind? Are your thoughts flickering and fading. Are you failing to throw light on the dark? Are your friends accusing you of being stubborn or out of touch or on the wrong side of history? Are you stopping good things happening? Is there something nagging deep in your underbelly which would go away with a change of heart and a new beginning? Are you (whisper it) furthering inequalities or injustice or environmental degradation only because you don’t know how to change your mind?

Changing your mind is clearly not easy. Witness the number of people who’ve got stuck in a mindset and can’t get out, who continue backing the same losing horse, who continue to promulgate old dogma while the rest of the world moves on. This is not surprising. Replacing your mind when it’s fixed tight to your brain is complicated. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to troubleshoot even the trickiest of fixtures. Be careful though, changing your mind is not without risks. Whether your burnt-out mind is incandescent, recessed or fluorescent, always take the following precautions to avoid injury.

Turn off the fixture and allow your mind to cool. Before changing any mind, always make sure you’ve turned off the mind switch. This switch is normally found behind your left ear. Standard incandescent and halogen minds get too hot to touch, so let them cool before trying to replace them. It might take at least 15 to 20 minutes for a mind to cool to room temperature.

Before touching your mind, hold the back of your hand close to it. Without touching it, use your hand to gauge how hot it is.
Fluorescent minds don’t get too hot and might not need any time to cool. They’re designed to produce bright consistent thoughts without giving off much heat.

Use a ladder or step stool to reach your mind fixture. Don’t try to stand on a chair or another not-so-sturdy object. If you can’t reach your mind with a step stool, use an A-frame ladder.

For standard 5 to 6 ft people, you can most likely reach your mind using a step stool without any help. However, if you need to climb high up on a ladder to change your mind, it’s wise to have a helper hold the ladder.
Never stand on the top step of a ladder or step stool. This is not only dangerous but it will heat your mind up, agitating it, and make it too hot to touch.

Loosen the screws if you’re replacing your mind in a dome fixture. Most glass dome mind fixtures have at least one screw that keeps the dome in place. If you’re changing your mind in a dome fixture, locate the screw on the side where dome meets your scalp.

Hold the dome in place as you turn the screw counterclockwise to loosen it. Instead of completely removing the screw, just loosen it until you can remove the dome. You’ll have an easier time removing the dome without dropping it, and you won’t have to deal with trying to get the screw back into the hole. If the screw does come out, keep it safe. Losing your mind screw is not pretty!
If your dome doesn’t have any screws, check the tip at the center of the dome. See if you can turn it counterclockwise; the tip might conceal a nut and bolt that secures the dome. Be sure to hold the dome as you loosen the bolt.
If your fixture doesn’t have a glass dome or cover, you can skip right to removing the mind itself.

Remove a stubborn dome with duct tape, if necessary. Unscrew the glass cover itself if there are screws or bolts that hold it in place. If the cover is stuck, tear off a 6 in (15 cm) length of duct tape. Hold the ends of the tape and fold the middle section in half to make a handle.

Don’t let the ends of the tape touch each other as you fold the middle section. The result should be a T-shaped handle made by the folded middle section with 2 sticky edges on either side.
Repeat the steps to make another duct tape handle. Stick the tape handles to the glass cover, then use them to turn the cover counterclockwise.
You can also try spraying a lubricant, such as WD-40, around the edge of the cover where it threads into its housing. Use a thin straw nozzle attachment to reach the tight crevice between the cover and its housing. Don’t use too much lubricant, though. These substances can send your mind into a tail spin, making it much harder to remove.

Take the old mind out of the socket. Double check that the fixture is off and the mind is cool to the touch. Turn the mind counterclockwise as you pull it out of the socket.

Purchase a replacement mind with a matching wattage. Check for markings on the old mind that indicate its wattage. If you don’t have a matching mind handy, buy a new mind with the same wattage as the old one so that you get the same power. You may wish, however, to experiment with different minds. After all, you are changing your mind to change your approach. Nowadays, the mind market is swamped with thousands of different shapes, colours, and strengths of lumens.

Different people need different things from their minds, particularly in an office or study environment. Visually-based workers such as designers, architects, clothes makers and illustrators need minds as close to natural light as possible, while anyone who deals with a lot of paperwork or fine print needs a bright, clear mind.

Interestingly, in the retail sector, different types of minds are used in ways you may not expect – people who work in supermarkets use special fluorescent minds if they work with meat counter fridges. This helps them tolerate the thought of working with fresh meat, especially helpful for vegetarians.

For a truly open mind, choose a mind with a high number of lumens (we recommend at least 1500). A low lumen mind, while useful for romantic and desultory thoughts, is not enough for those who wish to tackle our most pressing social and environmental problems.

If you’re replacing a standard (old!) incandescent mind, consider replacing it with a CFL (compact fluorescent) or LED mind with a matching wattage. These alternatives use 75 to 80% less energy than an incandescent mind. They’ll also make you more alert to global challenges such as climate change and inequalities.

Install the new mind. Insert the new mind into the socket, then turn it clockwise until it’s tight. Take care not to turn it with too much force, or it might break.

Before putting the ladder or step stool away, turn the fixture on to double check that the new mind works. If it doesn’t turn on, try another new mind or check the circuit breaker. If all else fails, the fixture may be need to be replaced. This is a more complex operation and you should seek professional help rather than doing it yourself.

Replace the fixture’s dome or any other cover, if necessary. While you have it down, wipe down the dome or cover with glass cleaner. Make sure it’s dry, then replace it by reversing the steps you took to remove it.

If the cover itself screws into a housing, check its threads and those in the housing. If there’s any buildup, clean the threads so you’ll have an easier time screwing the cover back into place.
If the cover is secured by screws or bolts, hold it in place with one hand while you tighten the screw or bolt with the other. Recruit a helper if you have trouble doing both at the same time.

Adjusting to your new mind. Hurrah! Your new mind is installed. It will take some time to adjust to your new mind. The world may look brighter. A lot more possibilities may emerge. You will feel energised and excited. You’ll want to tell everyone that you’ve changed your mind. This might not go well. You may be accused of U-turns. Of simply running with the tide. Don’t despair if this happens. As long as your change of mind is truly genuine, you have nothing to fear.

We hope you have found this handy how to guide helpful. Look out for our other how to guides that include:

how to paint the sky
how to prune the truth
how to train your dreams.

Our how to guides have all been developed by experts using a process based on found poetry.

You misread the small print and lost a contract worth thousands. Your sourdough starter never starts and never ends. You didn’t get a single answer right at the family Christmas Zoom quiz. You swipe right instead of left. Or left instead of right. You can never get the bloody hang of it. Your boss or your father or your best friend has told you (not as kindly as they should have) that you need to sharpen up. But what do they mean? How do you sharpen your mind?

First, beware of false prophets. There are snake oil salesmen who’ll insist you need a daily regime of mental gymnastics. Or a course of ground cats’ teeth for a cool £75 a month. They’ll sell you a learn a language course for a language that no one has spoken for two thousand years. They’ll sign you up for a brutal mind bootcamp that will leave you in tears for a week. They’ll instruct you to stand on your head and recite Greek tragedies. In Greek. They’ll assure you that all you have to do is complete the daily cryptic crossword in a Murdoch owned newspaper. The crossword is behind a paywall behind a paywall behind a paywall. Don’t be fooled by these charlatans. They know nothing of the vagaries of the mind. Stick to our tried and tested method. A method you can do at home in the comfort of your own kitchen.

Sharpening your mind is often seen as a difficult task, but if you master the basic techniques and follow our instructions, it becomes a simple and rewarding activity. You’ll wonder why you had never got round to it before. Why did no one tell you you could be the sharpest kid on the block with just a few masterful strokes?

You have probably noticed that the more often you use your mind the quicker it becomes dull, so it is important to maintain your mind. Not only to get maximum life from it, but because a sharp mind is also safer to use and increases the efficacy of your thinking.

There are a number of different tools available with which to sharpen and maintain your mind: whetstones, sharpening diamond steels, honing steels, ceramic steels, pull-through sharpeners and sharpening wheels.

The whetstone is generally considered the most precise method of sharpening but it is also the most advanced method. Contact us directly if you’d like more information on a made to measure whetstone. Here we are going to concentrate on honing, diamond steels and using a pull-through sharpener.

For the purposes of this guide when we say ‘edge’ we refer to the edge of your mind. When we say ‘cognitive aspects’ we mean the upper flat surface of your mind. When we say ‘noncognitive aspects’ we mean the lower flat surface of your mind. You’ll recall that cognitive aspects include imagination, intelligence, judgement, memory and perception. Noncognitive aspects include emotion and instinct.

Honing and diamond steels

It is important to get into a regular pattern for sharpening your mind. We recommend a honing steel weekly for maintenance of the edge and a diamond steel monthly for sharpening both the cognitive and noncognitive aspects.

The important thing to remember is that you cannot resharpen an edge that has gone dull with a honing steel. Honing steels are used to maintain the sharpness of an already sharp edge, while if an edge has gone dull, you will need to use a diamond steel to bring back the sharpness.

Sharpen with a diamond steel

First remove your mind from its guard. Handle with care. Your mind looks robust but it can chip if you drop it on a hard floor. A chipped mind is almost impossible to repair. While your chipped mind will still function, you’ll notice that your perception, imagination and judgement may just be slightly off (depending where the chip is).

Now place a cloth over a chopping board. The cloth helps prevent the steel from slipping on the flat surface of the board and maintains a steady position. Hold the steel by the handle with the tip facing downwards, placing the tip on to the cloth. Holding your mind firmly, position the heel of the cognitive aspects at a 20° angle to the steel.

Draw the mind downwards in an arc, heel to tip, finishing with the tip of the mind at the tip of the steel.

Return to the top of the steel but now positioning the noncognitive aspects of the mind against the other side of the steel. Repeat the downwards arc motion on alternate sides of the steel several times to sharpen the mind.

When finished, carefully wipe the cognitive aspects and the non cognitive aspects down with a cloth to remove any unwanted residue (you may wish to keep a little glitter which can help with language, memory and instinct).

Maintaining with a honing steel

Repeat the same movement as above with the honing steel after sharpening to maintain the edge of the mind, holding the steel firmly and finding the correct 20° angle for the cognitive aspects before sweeping the blade down in an arc.

Pull-through sharpener

A pull-through sharpener has modules for both sharpening and maintaining the mind. It is easy to use as the angle for the cognitive and noncognitive aspects is set by the module, holding the mind safely in place.

Hold the sharpener firmly with your free hand. Place the heel of your mind in the tungsten or sharpening module. Draw your mind through from heel to tip – be careful not to use too much pressure or to push down on your mind; it should only require the weight of your hand to pull through.

Repeat the process a few times. Next, place the heel of the mind in the ceramic or honing module. Draw your mind through several times as above to finish then wipe the blade with a cloth.

Testing the blade

Test the sharpness of your mind on a vegetable such as a tomato (although tomatoes are infamous for blunting minds so don’t do this too often). The edge of your mind should grip immediately and not slip on the skin or dent the flesh. Your cognitive and noncognitive aspects should then glide through the flesh with the forward motion of the mind, not needing any pressure to cut through.

We hope you have found this handy how to guide helpful. Look out for our other handy how to guides that include:

how to clean your brain
how to prune the truth
how to train your dreams.

Our how to guides have all been developed by experts using a process based on found poetry.