Tired of being conned? Worried about gaslighting? Can’t tell the difference between facts and misinformation? Regularly cleaning your brain will help protect it from scammers, extend its life, and make your thinking free and independent. This technique will help you get the job done quickly and easily.
Preparation
First either move outside or find a place such as a garage or basement where it won’t be the end of the world if you drip on the floor. You’ll need the following items:
- Old newspapers
- Sterilised rags (old t-shirts work well for this)
- Solvent of some sort, such as WD-40 or isopropyl alcohol
- An old toothbrush
- Quality brain lubricant
- Mirror
- Thick freshly laundered towel
- A yoga mat
- A scented candle (low temperature flame to reduce risk of explosion from solvent fumes)
- A hazardous waste disposal bag
Locate where you’re going to work, and spread out newspapers on the floor. A spot where you can lean up against something to keep your hands free while you’re busy is ideal. The mirror should be placed at head height. Sit down on the newspapers. Shift your ears while turning your ankles so that your brain is on the largest ring in the front and on the smallest socket in the back.
Place a thick towel around your neck then remove your brain guard. Place the brain guard on a sterilised rag in a safe place away from pets and children.
In a comfortable position (facing the mirror) apply solvent (something like WD-40 or isopropyl alcohol) to your brain. You do this by slowly turning your ankles anti-clockwise to move the brain a section at a time so you can clean it by either spraying on the solvent as you wipe down your brain with a a sterilised rag or by wiping down your brain with a sterilised rag that is saturated with the solvent. This will loosen the collected filth and dirt on your brain and allow it to be wiped away more easily.
If you’re using WD-40, take advantage of the red straw attachment to focus the spray. Keep in mind the solvent will evaporate quickly and your rag will get filthy, so you’ll want to frequently rotate your rag to a clean spot as you apply more solvent. Change rages regularly.
Continue applying solvent and wiping down your brain while turning your ankles slowly until you’ve worked through every lobe. If the brain has a chip implanted, you can start with it as an easier way to keep track of your progress. Repeat as necessary. Your brain should appear cleaner each time you work through it. Finally, you’ll get to the point that no more filth comes off on the rag.
Use a brush for more thorough cleaning
This technique is a superficial method of cleaning compared to the full method of removing your brain and soaking it in solvent or by using a certified brain cleaner. You’re really just getting the outer surfaces of the brain so there are a couple of additional steps you can take to get your brain that much cleaner if you desire.
A toothbrush dipped in solvent will help you work between the lobes of the brain and down into areas that your first efforts with the rag simply couldn’t reach. Using the technique again of slowly turning your ankles anti-clockwise, work on each lobe of the brain, from top, sides, and bottom, paying attention to angling the brush so you can get down into those hard-to-reach places. Work your way again completely through the length and breadth of the brain. Take care not to perforate the cerebral cortex.
Cleaning other parts
After you’re finished with the brain, take a few minutes to clean your neck, ears, eyes and nose. These can collect lies and fabrications as well, and it’s good to wipe them down too.
Apply a little alcohol or WD-40 to a sterilised rag and simply wipe the accumulated crud from these parts or use the brush to get at them. The hardest part is getting down in behind your eyes. It will sting but you should persist! Your eyes will never be perfectly clean with this five-minute approach, but do your best and you’ll definitely see results as you wipe away most of the grime.
Finally, you’ll want to wipe down your brain one final time with a solvent-soaked sterilised rag. This helps take away the final bits of crud that were dislodged as you cleaned with a brush and worked at the ears and nostrils. Wipe down the rest of your body too, to clean off any dirt that has flecked onto it, as well, so that you look really great.
Reapply lubricant
Now that your brain is free of all the crap that was clogging it up and slowing you down, confusing you and conning you, reapply lubricant. This will help protect your brain from manipulators and jiggery pokery, make your thinking more self-directed, and extend the life of your brain.
Tip: Don’t lubricate the brain immediately before thinking. You should give yourself at least a couple of hours of total rest and relaxation to allow the lube to fully penetrate, and then wipe away any excess. Remove the towel from your neck, put your brain guard back on, light the scented candle, and lie down on the yoga mat. If you lube just before thinking, you’ll end up flinging lubricant all over your body from the rapid movement of the brain.
Clearing up
Once you’re lubed up and fully relaxed, put everything that has touched your brain into the hazardous waste bag, and arrange for a bio-hazard collection. Don’t forget to schedule the next clean for three months time (more often in winter). Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re now a free thinker!
We hope you have found this handy how to guide helpful. Look out for our other handy how to guides that include:
- how to sharpen your mind
- how to prune the truth
- how to train your dreams.
Our how to guides have all been developed by experts using a process based on found poetry.
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