1966. On board the SS Himalaya.
Angus had one hand on the small of Janet’s back, the other on her right cheek. He was pressing her up against the cleaning cupboard door. Janet felt the small round metal rivulets like a corset buttoned down her back. His hands smelt of bleach. His tongue was all over her teeth. The roof of her mouth. In under her tongue. The taste of him was childlike. Cream soda or a rusk dipped in milk. She didn’t know how to respond.
She opened her mouth wider. Let her tongue follow his. It was pitch dark in the cupboard but she kept her eyes tight shut. She put a hand on his cheek, tentative, tried stroking his thin face, felt the pumice roughness of stubble around his jaw. His tongue was too demanding. Too analytical. He leant into her harder, took hold of her wrist and tried to push her hand down between his legs. She pulled her hand back up. Her chest was tight, her heart too hurried. She wanted to say No, No, but the words wouldn’t come. She felt around for the light switch above her shoulder. Pushed it down. Flooded the small room with light.
Angus stepped backwards, let her go. His face was red and the slick of his dark hair had come undone, leaving an odd greased curl bent across his forehead.
‘What did you do that for?’ His words sounded petulant, surprised. ‘I was just getting into it,’ he said. Janet was too hot and too cold and unable to control the shake in her hands.
‘It was only a kiss,’ he said, smoothing down his waistcoat. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Janet. She couldn’t look him in the eye. ‘I need to get going. The others will be wondering where I am.’ Angus reached past her and put his hand on the door handle. His arm brushed her waist. Janet’s belly contracted. He was going to lock her in. Force himself on her. Even if she could get a scream out, no one would hear.
‘Don’t be daft,’ he said to her as he turned the handle and opened the door. ‘Go on,’ he said, sounding almost kind. ‘I’ll come and find you at the end of my shift tomorrow. Show you how to spot a dolphin.’ Janet nodded and stepped out into the empty corridor and turned left towards her cabin. Angus walked beside her until they reached her door. He blew her a kiss and carried on. Just before he turned out of sight he did a little skip. Janet went into her cabin, locked her door and threw herself down on the lower bunk.
She’d done it. Her first kiss. Made a fool of herself. But she’d done it. And he wanted to see her again.
To be continued
SANDERLINGS 